It’s been pretty rough but somehow I am not experiencing it the same as I did before. I have stopped resisting and have really got into riding the wave of ups and downs, knowing it will pass.
I feel like my plea for ease in my life has finally been heard. It’s been a long time that I have been using the mantra “I live my life with joy, ease and abundance’. I recently changed that to ‘I invite and accept joy ease and abundance’ because I was aware of my belief that somehow life has to be a struggle and ease is viewed with suspiscion. After a crazy holiday in Knynsa with a rabidly teething child who kept trying to crawl in his sleep, which naturally caused him to wake rather abruptly and unhappily many times a night, I discovered my son is a HORRIBLE teether.
I made my way back to Cape Town with a sense of relief that we would be back in our space with our normal routine and hopefully things would get back to some semblance of normal (i.e. waking only 2/3 times a night versus 8 – 12 times a night or staying awake for 2 hour periods while playing tag wake up with his sister). Things did not get easier straight away. However, during my shavasana following my much needed and greatly treasured weekly post-natal yoga class, I was focussing on inviting ease and abundance and felt quite tearful as a huge sense of release and relief came over me. I knew with certainty that that was already being granted.
Recently a friend was pointing out how cushy his work setup is currently and I asked him if he believes that life is easy. He replied ‘No, I got here because I work hard’. I replied that I don’t think he would have landed with his bum in the butter no matter how hard he worked if he did not have an underlying belief that a) it is possible to achieve that and b)he deserves it. What we believe determine what we receive.
For too long I have held a belief that life has to be struggle – probably inherited from my mother’s side of the family who have generations of struggle behind them and also acquired through experiences in my childhood. On top of that I had not necessarily believed that I was deserving of joy,ease and abundance in my life until recently. However, as I have worked on manifesting these things in my life and shifting my beliefs I am really starting to see the fruits of my desires. Manifestation DOES work – be very wary of what you desire as it will become your reality! Now, not only have I been finding that despite continued sleep deprivation I am finding it so much easier to cope and also have more energy, I have also been so much more present in the lives of my children -noticing the naughty giggles, the gorgeous look of glee on my daughter’s face as she went on the blue train, my son’s face lighting up when he could stand up while being supported….the little things that can so easily be missed when there is a focus on how hard life is and there is a resistance to what is. To then take it a step further last night my son slept from 7pm to 5am and after a feed slept again till 7am. Now that is true abundance – better than all the gold and riches in the world!
I have to say that one thing that has added to my ability to accept that there will be good times and bad times is that I came across the Wonder Weeks – alleged periods during a baby’s development when mental leaps cause fussiness. While Jocelyn seemed to be in one constant Wonder Week which was really not very wonderful, my son could be the poster child for The Wonder Weeks. When it says he will be cranky, clingy and won’t sleep well from X week to Y week it has been on the money with regards to Tyler.
This is what I see as the wave – there are rough times but I know they will always pass and so if I ride that wave and don’t try and swim against it life is just so much easier!